NO.  Not even if I were in a heroin induced coma.

Yesterday, Mackenzie Phillips, former child star on the 70’s sitcom, ‘One Dad At A Time,’ dropped a huge bombshell on the Oprah Winfrey Show.  She revealed a family secret that would make even Jerry Springer blush.  Reading a passage from her new tell-all book, she described  how she woke up from a drug induced blackout to discover her panties around her ankles and her father having consensual sex with her.  That’s right!  Her famous father from the 60’s group, The MaMas and the PaPas.  WTF?  Does MaMa know PaPa has been sleeping with Baby?  That is one Monday Morning I wouldn’t want to wake up to!

First of all, sex with your father is NEVER consensual.  Well, maybe in the Appalachians.

This show interview with Mackenzie Phillips, must have been part of Oprah’s new fall, feel good series, ‘Live Your Best Life.’  Lately,  Oprah has had some very uplifting shows. First, she had the interview with Crack-ney Houston, hocking her new comeback CD, I LOOK TO YOU.  (Or, as I like to call it, songs I sing to my pipe.) Then, she had a show about  Connie Culp, the woman who had her face shot off by her husband, because she shot her mouth off one too many times. And now, may I present to you the latest addition to the Oprah Book Club.  HIGH ON ARRIVAL.  A little light reading for back-to-school.

This book is worse than airing your dirty laundry in public.  This is, “I had a little accident, and HERE are the pants I pooped in!”   YUCK!

Then, she revealed another revelation.  When she was 18 years old, Mick Jagger locked her in a room and had sex with her.  Her father stood outside, loudly pounding on the door and protesting… “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE WITH MY DAUGHTER, AND MY WIFE?”

While telling the story, she seemed almost giddy and school-girlish .  “C’mon, who wouldn’t want to sleep with Mick Jagger?”  … ah, ME!  (Raised hand)  Not without a body condom and a hot Purell sitz bath.  Remember, when you sleep with Mick Jagger, you’re sleeping with a guy who (allegedly) ate a chocolate bar out of his Marianne Faithfull’s ass!

After all the dysfunctional details were revealed, her little anecdote about sleeping with Mick Jagger seemed almost normal.  Welcome to the new ‘normal’  – sick –


If you’re not from the Raleigh/Durham area, you’re probably thinking, what in the hell is BOB AND THE SHOWGRAM?  Who the hell is Bob?  What’s a Showgram and can I use the word ‘showgram’ in Scrabble?

I don’t think you’ll find ‘showgram’ in the Scrabble dictionary, but you will find BOB AND THE SHOWGRAM, weekday mornings, from 6:00 to 10:00 am on G105 and 105.7   The show originates from WDGC in Raleigh-Durham.

Bob Dumas, self professed redneck, host the show along with comedy junky, Mike Morse and Kentucky Kristin.  Every morning, they parade a plethora of political incorrectness in front of their listeners.  You won’t find better bunch of morning misfits than this F-ed up crew.  If you don’t believe me, listen for yourself on their weekly podcast or check out Showgram on Demand.

I performed OBAMA MAN and my two minute STAR WARS, in front of their live studio audience of Showgram fans,


while the smell of Bojangles and freshly cut watermelon wafted through the studio. (Bojangles Chicken ‘n Biscuits, the cornerstone of every southern breakfast)

When I walked into the studio they offered me Bojangles.  I’m sorry but I can’t eat that shit THAT early in the morning!  I just got my Wii weight down to 176 and I ain’t changing that for nobody!

Let me give you an idea of how crazy things can get on the show.  On this particular morning, one of the interns licked the toes of one of their Showgram fans!  I’m sorry but I cannot eat that shit THAT early in the morning!  I’d rather have Bojangles!

No wonder they have an want ad for interns on their Facebook page.

Toronto Zombie Walk 2009

P9120008.JPG (Screening of Night of the Living Dead in Dundas SQ.)

I love zombies.

I mean, I hate zombies!

And yet, I’m drawn to them.  I guess I love to hate zombies.

If you moan around me like a zombie, it irritates me.  Please,  don’t do that!

That’s why, this past Saturday, Sept. 12th, I had to attend the  7th annual Toronto Zombie Walk.

Highlights included a zombie walk through downtown Toronto, a screening of the 1968 zombie hit, Night of the Living Dead, and the presentation of an honorary Canadian citizenship to director George A. Romero.

There were several people dressed as zombies.  One woman was dressed as Uma Thurman from Kill Bill Volume 1 ??? WTF?  What does Kill Bill have to do with zombies?  Can someone explain this to me?

Next time you watch Night of the Living Dead, listen to the music score.  Doesn’t it sound a lot like the theatrical score of the Werewolf movie in the music video, Michael Jackson’s Thriller.


Greg Morton attacked by Zombies in Dundas Square in Toronto
Greg Morton attacked by Zombies in Dundas Square in Toronto

Top 5 favorite Zombie Movies!

1) Night of the Living Dead (My first. I Saw this with my Dad at a late night screening in my hometown)

2) Dawn of the Dead (I love both the original and the remake shot in Toronto)

3) Shaun of the Dead (Hilarious!  Although I would never throw my records at zombies.)

4) Return of the Living Dead (Brrrrrrrrraaaaaaaains!  Hilarious!)

5) Resident Evil (Sorry Roger Ebert, but I love this Trilogy)  (The second one was shot in Toronto!)

Top 5 Zombie Video Games!

1) Resident Evil (All Games on Multiple Platforms)

2) Left 4 Dead (Xbox 360)

3) The House of the Dead OVERKILL (Wii)

4)  House of the Dead 2 / Typing of the Dead (Sega Dreamcast)

5)Dead Rising (XBOX 360)

The Stand-Up Chronicles

While performing at the Juke Box Comedy Club in Peoria, Illinois,  I had the pleasure of speaking with fellow comic and writer, Adam Harris on his podcast, The Stand-Up Chronicles.  Every week, he records a podcast for comedy geeks and nerds who are really into the art of stand-up comedy.  I think you can learn a lot by listening to other professionals talk about their craft.  That’s why, I always recommend the book, Comic Insights by Franklin Ajaye to people interested in getting into stand-up comedy.

The Stand-Up Chronicles is a podcast recorded pre-first-show-Saturday.  I urge you to check it out!  It’s filled with some great interviews of some of the most talented performers traveling the country today.  If you live in Peoria and you’re reading this post, please check out the Jukebox Comedy Club and support stand-up comedy.  You can watch all the Youtube clips of stand-up you want but nothing beats the thrill of a live show!  Am I right?

Here are some comments from Facebook fans who attended the show.

Colin This guy was hilarious!  The final segment has him impersonating singers right on key.  This guy is the black Jerry Lewis!

Holly Greg made me laugh til I had to choose between breathing and NOT peeing myself.

James Helluva show Greg Morton rocked!



On the podcast, we discuss Greg’s former career as an animator, his time with Second City in Toronto and little nerd talk about comic books and video games!  If you’d like to listen to the podcast, please click on the link below.
The Stand-Up Chronicles can also be found on i-tunes under the podcast genre.

The Stand-Up Chronicles Episode 27 Greg Morton


South Point Casino, Host Venue of the Jerry Lewis Telethon
JerryLewisTelethon copyOn Sept. 7th,  between 3:00 and 4:00 am Pacific Time, I will be  appearing on the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon!  That’s 6:00  and 7:00 for you East Coasters!

I’ve been watching the telethon, every Labor Day since I  was a kid.

Special thanks to Tony Camacho and Lorraine at Top  Draw Entertainment for helping make a life long dream  come true.

*check is in the mail Tony