Author: gregmorton

BIO At age 16, Greg Morton got first job at a local department store, as a P.A. announcer.  That same voice that grabbed the attention of shoppers,  recently wowed judges, on the season 14 premier of America’s Got Talent.    Howie Mandel said, “I can’t believe there isn’t a banner with your name on it in Vegas!”  After 35 years of entertaining audiences worldwide, opening for Celine Dion, Harry Connick Jr. and Luther Vandross at Radio City Music Hall - appearing on Just for Laughs, Comedy Central’s Premium Blend, Comic’s Unleashed, and his own Dry Bar Comedy Special, entitled, ‘I Started Out as a Baby’ - he received a standing ovation, and four yeses for his 2 min. Star Wars routine.  The force is definitely with him. 

Crackers Broad Ripple Review

by gregmorton, posted in reviews

Morton continues to delight
by Steve Carr Mar 7, 2007

Greg Morton
Crackers Broad Ripple
Feb. 28-March 4

Despite making his third appearance at the Broad Ripple Crackers since October, Greg Morton isn’t overstaying his welcome. Last Thursday, playing to a college-night room that was half empty but fully charged, Morton alternately charmed and challenged the crowd with an act whose dark edginess is masked by a goofy, cartoonish delivery that was nearly age-appropriate.

Morton, a former animator and cartoon voice actor, packs his act with the rubber-boned, insta-recovery violence that is the staple of Saturday morning cartoons. When Morton is on the mic, children usually take it on the chin. They’re beaten, scolded and humiliated for laughs. Repeatedly. Morton lives in a world where having white carpet is effective contraception.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he comforted the crowd. “I like children. I’m just saying if you want to have them … don’t.”

Opener Claude Stewart was an ideal pairing: a loose-limbed, spiky-haired, high-kicking ham who kept the audience on edge with a sex-heavy, ambiguous act that answered the question, what would Andy Dick be like if he had hair gel and a home gym. As Carrot Top is to Gallagher, Claude Stewart is to Andy Dick. Horny midgets, industrial sex toys, Mariah Carey and Drew Carey all made cameos.

“You’re all staring at me like I’m an Amish person at Radio Shack,” he admonished a crowd that was befuddled, but not so befuddled they couldn’t laugh.

Morton closed the night with his two signature bits, lightning fast recaps of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings followed by a montage of musical impersonations that included full costumes and eventually revealed that he took the stage in three pairs of pants and a double-dose of underwear. That alone was worth the price of admission.

Shameless Plug

by gregmorton, posted in news

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On June 26, 2007, Shout! Factory will release The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 on DVD.

Why am I excited? I’m excited because it was one of my favorite games. I think my wife bought it for my birthday. I spent countless hours in front of the TV, bouncing, spinning and floating through countless levels while my wife studied for law school.

The Adventures of Super Maio Bros. 3 was also one of the first shows that I worked on as a voice director. It may mean that I’ll receive a check in the mail.

The show was released in 1991. I think I was 15 years old at the time and I consider it some of my best work. If you know anything about animated characters, you know how difficult they are to work with. “What’s my motivation?” Where’s my trailer and my green M&Ms? Where’s my other finger, why do I only have three fingers and a thumb? Why do I have to keep driving past the same house in this scene, over and over again?”. It’s enough to drive a poor animation director mad. Like Hitchcock used to say, “Disney had the right idea, if you don’t like an actor, you can just tear him up!”

The animated series spans three discs with 26 full-length episodes, and will feature tons of bonus materials and extra features. Suggested Retail Price is just $29.98.

The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 DVD will feature the following bonus materials:

Interactive The Adventures Of Super Mario Bros.® 3 Writers Bible
Learn the backstory of The Adventures Of Super Mario Bros.® 3
Meet the Marios & Koopas
Visit the worlds
View the artwork from concept to final
Hear the original music, and more

Cuba Trip Advisory

by gregmorton, posted in diary

My wife and I have always wanted to go on a photo expedition. You know? Like the photographers from National Geographic, Time, or Newsweek Magazine? (Minus the Daniel Pearl part, of course.)

We chose Cuba because we heard that it was safe. One of the locals told us that Cuba has 3 million people. 1 million citizens, 2 million police. Very safe!

We also heard that Fidel Castro is very sick, and we were afraid that the place would completely change after he dies. You know, McDonalds on every corner, Starbucks, Check cashing places…

Of course, if the old man did croak while we were there, what a wonderful opportunity to snap some shots of a nation in mourning. Real Pulitzer Prize winning stuff.

My wife visited the the trip advisor on line and found out lots of things to worry about that would keep us from having fun. Things like, don’t eat the local food, or drink the local tap water. We decided to bring these low fat snacks to munch on late at night if we became hungry, and a large bottle of Purel hand sanitiser.

My wife was so anal about getting sick that she policed everything I ate. “Don’t eat the local vegetables, they could have been washed in tap water.” “Take those ice cubes out of your glass! You’ll get Hepatitis!” She was like Kate Blanchette in Babel.

Every night we went to bed starving, thinking, “I wish Fidel would hurry up and croak so we can get a half decent hamburger or a good cup of coffee around here. Thank God my wife brought a whole bag of those delicious low fat chocolates.

Then on the last day of the trip, after all that worrying, my wife was the one who got sick. The funny thing is, I don’t think it had anything to do with Cuba. I think it was the low fat chocolates. They probably contained Olestra!

Cuba

by gregmorton, posted in pictures

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I apologize to all eight of you who have been following my blog. My wife and I just got back from Cuba a couple of weeks ago.

Here’s a small sample of pictures from our trip that I took…

Cell Hell

by gregmorton, posted in Rants

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Last night, I watched the crowd during the show and I noticed a disturbing trend.

I call it C-P.A.D.D. Cell Phone Attention Deficit Disorder.

I sat at the rear of the show room, stunned at the number of people talking, looking at pictures, and checking their voicemail during the show.

Someone needs to write a book about cell phone etiquette before this kind of crass behavior reaches a new multi-task level of idiosy. I’m just not sure if anyone has an attention span long enough to read it.

How can we ever hope to attain any level of spiritual evolvement when we can’t stand to be alone with our own thoughts for more than 30 seconds.

“Dear God, I was wondering if… hang on, someone’s trying to call me on my cell.”

Here’s the problem. These phones have too many features. The cel phone is so complicated, I don’t think half the people who own them know how to shut them off.

As a performer, I feel that many of my best performances have been stymied by these little devices. How can I compete with somthing that takes pictures, movies, surfs the internet, checks email, tells me the time, date and weather, plays music and video games, wakes me up, plans my day, and writes my best friend a short cryptic message that only Prince would understand? (I will dY 4 U) I can’t think of anything short of sticking two Roman Candles up my ass, setting them ablaze and running in circles screaming, “the Eagle has landed!”

I don’t understand text messaging. You’re holding $300 worth of technology in your hand, you can talk to anyone in the world via satelite and you’re going to write me a letter?

Over the holidays I had someone text message me that Saddam Hussein had just been executed. I paid 75 cents for that? I didn’t realize I was on the death watch list or in the Saddam death pool.

Was he a bad man? Yes. He was a dictator. It’s no surprise that the word dictator has the word dick in it. But was he worth 75 cents of my hard earned money? NO! Why would you text me how the movie ends? It’s the ‘Titanic.’ I know the ending!

A few weeks ago, someone made a call right in front of me while I was on stage, so I took his phone and shoved it down my pants.

You’ve all been warned!

Here’s your thought for the day.

Does Martin Cooper; inventor of the cell phone, feel the same guilt that Oppenheimer must have felt after inventing the atomic bomb?

Blog Virgin

by gregmorton, posted in Uncategorized

This week marks the debut of my first blog, and my first appearance at the Laff Stop in Houston, Texas.

It’s 73 degrees and it feels like 73 degrees.

Back home in Toronto, it’s 21 degrees and it feels like 5 degrees.

I am 98.6 degrees and I feel happy!

I’m going out to look for some BBQ.